TITLE

Disappearing Footsteps

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Monday, May 24, 2010

-12:51 AM

Word of advise to all the single ladies out there....don't EVER get married...i am dead serious.I was playing in a pogo room one night,talking to a bunch of people while we were playing a game of monopoly,when marriage came up,Everyone in the room was either divorced or seperated,so anyways we were talking about how much marriage sucks,and how it ruins everything.When by some fluke a young girl came in the room,I believe she was around eighteen or nineteen,I can't be exactly sure at the moment,But she was young i do remember that.Anyways she must have been there for a few minutes reading everything we were saying and included herself in the conversation then,By explaining she was in a relationship with her boyfriend and she knew he was going to propose and asking us all questions about being married,she then asked if we had any advise,Joking i simply said "Yeah,make sure you have a good pair of running shoes and if he asks run the fuck out of there and never look back".Even though i was joking,a part of me believes it.Look at me,I am in the middle of a divorce.Everyone i talk to now,all my friends who are married say the same thing....what the fuck were they thinking.I have a friend who has two kids,Same age as me and she is miserable.She loves her kids,more then life it's self,But even she admits herself if she had her time back she would of done everything differently.It's not me being a downer or going on that love sucks,Because it doesn't,It can be a wonderful thing,I just happen to believe getting married fucks it all up.I don't expect people to agree with me,It is only my point of view,well not only mine,It seems to be alot of people's opinion.My best friend has been with her boyfriend for two years now and it's all she talks and thinks about.I know in my own heart she will regret it,He himself doesn't even believe in marriage,But i will never say that to her.The only thing i have ever said to her was last year,when she had mentioned my relationship meant more because i was married,which is bullshit.A relationship is only as strong as the people who are in it,I've never believed being married makes two people more in love or make there commitment anymore important then a couple who are not married or engaged.It's a label,That's it.It's like people can never be happy or content to just be together and be happy they always have to over anaalyze about making the next step,and moving forward.If it's not broke,then don't try to fix it is my motto.You may be wondering what got me on this kick...maybe it is the fact that my ex is really pissing me off latly,The SOB got off scott free,I just let him walk,without paying anything,which i was more then intitled too,I didn't feel like being a prick and taking him to the cleaners,just because he's an asshole doesn't mean i have to be.I'm not that type of person,But it really ticks me completly off when he sends me messages telling me he doesn't want a divorce and how much he loves me,after treating me like crap for five years,Then proceeds to drive past my house every single day.As if that wasn't bad enough,He descides to drive by yesterday with a girl in the car with him slowing down in front of my door.What's up with that?Do you really think that's classy,because it's really not..It's actually kind of pathetic...what did he say to her"oh look hunni this is my wife's house"
I don't know who she is,and i do not care who she is,He is her problem now,She has no idea what a favor she is doing for me,But the fact that this prick lies straight to my face about it,when i clearly see him,He's been denying for months he drives past my door.When i clearly know my own car and the plates and i see his damn face.How stupid do i look?It makes me so mad,I diodn't want him,I let him go,If he is hurt i am sorry but i don't care,i was hurting for five years and he didn't give a fuck,He walked into this house and took everything,Which i let him,and i let him walk away without paying me a dime,which again i let him,So instead of saying thank god and just going away,He's got to make a pain in the ass of himself.He even had the nerve to ask me if he can take my dog on the weekends or if i ever want to go on a date,WTF?seriously...the dog hates him...not to mention he is like my child,I'd cut my own arm off before i ever let him near beau.I know one thing for sure the next time he drives past my house slowing down he better have his window up,Because he's going to get my shoe right upside his head if he doesn't.
Speaking of assholes,It was brought to my attention by one of my readers that my memory is not too good,Because after not wanting to use "Jim's" real name,someone reminded me that I have already used it previously posts from months back when i explained how he ended up with my cat,So the cat is out of the bag,no pun intended.Well you have no worries,He won't be mentioned in anymore posts.He is not a very nice person,He's actually pretty scary to be honest.My mom kept bugging me beyond belief to go down and get a look at the cat,well i finally did a few days ago,Both because i did want to see him and because i just wanted to shut her up.Big ass mistake.I get down there to see Tom,Not Chris,I said nothing to him about anything,not about the emails,not about liking him...I said i was dropping it and i kept my word,Well i joking around say can i see my cat,seeing as how you're avoiding me and that was all it took i guess,He starts raising his voice and curseing at me about how all i did was write him bullshit and he didn't know what the fuck i was going on about and he wasn't writing back he had nothing to say and he didn't know what to say.As much as i missed my cat,I knew i was getting the hell out of there.I only got about halfway up the street when the tears just started flowing.I was kinda in shock,I tried to get inside without my mother seeing me,But that didn't work(Note to self:Purchase a waterproof mascara)So then i had to tell her and she gave me a hug and apolgised and blamed herself for pushing me to go down there and saying she should have never done it and she won't do it again.It's not her fault though,Everyone was right..He's just majorly fucked up,He clearly has a temper and seems to be angry with the whole world.It's hard to believe telling someone you care about them and see the good in them can set a person off,Either way i'm glad i seen it.I'll miss my cat more then anything,I do everyday but the dude's not right and im not risking him flip or blow up.I never thought i'd ever give up on anyone or say i think they're right when they say they're a lost cause,But i actually do this time.I think him being alone is probally the best thing for him.My mom and my friend's are right,I don't need anyone like that in my life,I seen something in him,But i got my warnings early on from people that knew him,But i didn't listen,I wanted to see the good and i let my feelings get in the way.I thought maybe there could of been something down the road,But he didn't want that,It can't be my problem,I can't save them all.Anyways enough about him,I tried,I failed,end of story.I'm over it.Maybe someday down the road he will see a good girl cared about him and wanted to be his friend,maybe he won't.Either way,It doesn't matter.
Wanna hear something really funny?Actually it is kind of ironic,guess who got stuck planning and throwing a entire wedding shower...yup me,Miss Anti-Wedding herself.My cousin's finance has nobody to do it for her,Her mother was doing it but descided to go into bitch mode again and back out,So i have until the second week in June to get this all clued up and done.Never in my life have i thrown any kind of shower,I helped with one a few year's back.But that was a baby shower.I didn't even have a wedding shower myself.So this is my first time,So i better learn quick.I do not know how the hell i am going to do this to be honest,I had to get hounded to just go to this thing,Nothing against Jennifer,I just don't do social gatherings.I have hardly any girlfriends for a reason,most girls annoy me,Now here i am throwing a party for a bunch of them.The only reason i agree to do this,besides the fact i pity her for having no-one else to do it,But her husband to be is more like a brother to me,then a cousin.I grew up with him and we were always close,and she's important to him.If it was anyone else i wouldn't even give it a second thought,I'd say;"Good luck with that" as i walked away in a quick pase.So wish me luck,lord knows i am going to need it.

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The Chesire Cat disappeared leaving its grin to last.